Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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