was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
