I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
