you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Randomize
