You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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