There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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