Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
