I can text with my tongue
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
