I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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