Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I want her autograph on my taint
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
