remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
