We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
