He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
