i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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