she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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