The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
