He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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