there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
