Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Randomize
