Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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