dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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