I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize