Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
