It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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