and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
