my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
