Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
