Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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