I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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