I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
