i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
