my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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