I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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