Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
