I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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