we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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