Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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