I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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