GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
