dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
