just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
