it was like eating out sand paper
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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