I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
