halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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