Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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