I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
