They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
