so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize