he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
