I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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