we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
