Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
