I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
