We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
