I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
