I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My dad just said "fuck circus"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
