oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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