Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
