Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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