I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
