It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
