The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
