she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
