I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
