My Higher Power is John Stamos
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
try to milk me bitch
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