I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
