Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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