Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
