I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
