R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
