Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Randomize
