How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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